The "Peace Corps Nightmares" Post

Yesterday, I got a call out of the blue from D.C. Naturally, I had a minor heart attack. It's no longer excitement when D.C. calls. Before it was like, "Maybe they're calling about my invite!" Now it's, "They're calling to nag me about some tasks." I don't mind though. It's like when your mom nags you to do something, it's because they care. That call lit a fire under my butt and today I finally took my first step towards all these medical tasks and I scheduled appointments. I scheduled appointments for EVERYTHING. It felt good to know that according to my appointment calendar I can have everything done by the end of June. Of course, I'm sure something will go miserably wrong. Which brings me to the point of this blog post, Peace Corps nightmares.

Due to my overactive imagination, I have had some terrible Peace Corps nightmares and day dreams. I thought it'd be a fun post to share some of my miserable Peace Corps "castles in the sky" and see if any other FPCVs have the same wonderings. I also thought it'd be funny for you RPCVs.

1. The Forgot To Pack for Two Years Nightmare- There I was in the airport, saying goodbye to all my loved ones. I boarded the plane only to suddenly realize, I HADN'T PACKED FOR TWO YEARS! I hadn't even packed for a day. I frantically found the pilot of the plane to plead with him to delay take off. He said that he would delay it for thirty minutes and that I had to buy things from the airport stores. Trust me, there wasn't a lot. It was horrible. I yelled at my family and friends, "Why didn't you tell me I had no luggage!?" They all just laughed at me and told me to calm down. This one was pretty vivid and I woke up in a cold sweat. I think it stemmed from reading a blog on packing and thinking that I might not pack clothes. Apparently, I was determined to leave everything else behind as well!

2. The My Mom Tied Me Up in the Closet Nightmare- Yes, this literally is something that I dreamt up. I had a nightmare that the night before I was supposed to leave for service, my mom lost her mind and told me I couldn't go. She then proceeded to form tackle me (a trick I suppose she picked up from my brother), bind me like a pig, and stick me in the closet where I waited until it was too late to board the plane for Africa. In all honesty, I'm afraid this is something that might seriously happen.

3. The What If the Kids Hate My Guts daydream- Most of the time, work at the office is slow. So I sit and daydream about nothing else but Peace Corps. I get to thinking, you know it's been a long time since I've been around kids a lot. What if they hate me? What if they think I'm weird? What if they never learn to listen from me and I just make them cry everyday of their existence until I leave depressed... of course, it's a downward spiral from here. I start imagining that I gain like forty pounds and my face breaks out. I come back fruitless and uglier than ever before. Not all these things could possibly happen... right?

4. The Peace Corps is Actually Just a Cover Nightmare- So, I know this dream stemmed from reading a few 1984 quotes one night before bed. We arrived at Johannesburg and we're taken into a huge aluminum building. Everyone's excited and talking, until we walk in the building. There's men with guns everywhere and they tell us to sit down and shut up. We of course, oblige. Except one young man who gets his head blown off. We are then brainwashed. The dream is not really clear on what


If I knew how to work this, I'd overlay the words
"Not sure if Peace Corps is real... or plot to brainwash all young graduates.

we're brainwashed to do but we are undeniably servants of whatever regime did the brainwashing. I've also had this as a daydream. A little Peace Corps is too good to be true, it's got to be a pyramid scheme type thing.
One this is for certain, we don't really know what lies ahead of us. Evolutionarily, that is supposed to scare the shit out of us. It doesn't make sense for our survival to have not developed some sort of future telling power in our evolutionary history. Unfortunately, we don't. So we're left to our beautifully crafted imaginations and for those like me, a rampant anxiety problem.

The "Talking to People" Post

Ok, so it's been about a month since I've posted and I have regular access to internet! Hopefully this is not indicative of how I'm going to be keeping up with this blog in Lesotho! Now that I've gotten my invitation, I feel more comfortable speaking with people about what I'm doing the next few years. Being the age that I am people ask me what my future plans are on a regular basis. It seems that everyone is interested in what the young are going to do with their seemingly unlimited time on this Earth. Maybe when I'm that age I'll understand. For now, I find it intrusive but good table side conversation for my job as a server. When I tell people I'm leaving in October to serve in the Peace Corps people generally have one of six reactions:

1. Africa is no place for a young lady.

To which I reply: We have security guards and cultural training to keep us safe.

In my head I think: You dumbass. NOLA is just as dangerous.

 

2. Two years, that's a really long time.

To which I reply: Yes, you need that time to integrate into the culture and finish your projects

In my head I think: Why do people always think you can just go to a country spend a month there and make a lasting difference. That's called voluntourism and it's not effective.

 

3. Don't you want to get married, have children, get a good job?

To which I reply: Oh sure! But I have a lifetime in front of me and there is no better time to do something like this than right now.

In my head I think: And sell my soul to the devil for a two story house and a picket fence?

 

4. Peace Corps? That hippie mumbo, jumbo?

To which I reply: Yes sir, the Peace Corps is a commonly misunderstood organization. They are a group of professionals using applied skills to make a difference in the world's third world countries.

In my head I think: I. Can't. Even.

 

5. Won't you miss your family?

To which I reply: Yes, I will miss them very much. But they are supportive of what I do and proud no matter what so I know I will be in as constant communication as possible.

In my head I think: *sarcastic Nah, I hate my family. I'm running away to Africa so I never have to see them again. *sarcastic Dumbass.

 

6. Oh bless you, you're going to make such a difference and it'll be the greatest expereince of your life.

To which I reply: Thank you!! That is too kind.

In my head I think: Man you're sweet. But how do you know this will be the greatest experience of my life. Maybe one day I'll go to the moon. Maybe Peace Corps will suck and I'll get malaria. C'mon now!

 

 

But my favorite so far is, "How do you feel?". These only come around once in a blue moon. These are the people who are passing no judgement and are not acting like they know some great secret about the future. The simply want to hear how you're processing everything. These are the people I'm honest with. I take a deep breath and reply, "Well, if you want to know the truth... I'm losing my mind." They're the ones I share how stricken with guilt I am, all the anxiety of leaving my family and my boyfriend, how overwhelemed I am with medical tasks and my to-do lists. These are the people who deserve to peer into the mind of a FPCV.

 

Stone hut in Lesotho.

I can see Africa most days. Bright and shiny with open air. I know that it won't be like that. But on the days where I consider giving up on this roller coaster and settling into a normal life, those images keep me going. October is just around the corner and I've got to stay focused if I'm ever going to make it. 



The "After Shock" Post

Inbox after invitation e-mail and my acceptance.



Now that the shock of receiving my actual invitation has worn off, I can only think of one emotion that describes me-overwhelmed. Applicants go months without hearing anything from Peace Corps, personally I went a little over a month before I heard anything. Still, it can make you resent Peace Corps. Once again, like that crush, they show you no attention and now suddenly you've become interesting and your inbox looks like this:
Even though you want to be like, "I've moved on". You can't because this is what you've invested MONTHS in. So you accept your invitation (whether it be on a date or to the Africa for 2.5 years). Then they become obsessive compulsive and want everything now.



Every e-mail from PC makes me
squeal with excitement.

The amount of e-mails from Peace Corps in my inbox was not really what overwhelmed me. Nor was it the issue of what to do when my lease runs out in July. No, the overwhelmed sensation came when I got an e-mail from MAP, Medical Application Portal. I knew this day would come. I knew there would be more than a handful of tasks to be done. But I didn't know that my hatred for what the biomedical institution has become would engulf my love for PC. I understand that extensive medical information is necessary for a 2 year stay in a country with limited medical resources but I HATE doctors. Nothing against them personally, they just miss a lot because they've been trained to ignore the entire spectrum of human life; therefore, missing very important vital information relating to an illness. I digress. So, in the month of May I will be spending a lot of my days off in doctor's and dentist's offices getting prepped for my service. There will be blood taken, teeth pulled, and immunizations given. If I seem a little testy, it's because I'm being incessantly poked and prodded.
Either way, I opened up my detailed e-mail from MAP and got absolutely lost. The first sentence reminded me that I only have six months left in the states. That's six months to take care of everything I have to take care of. Being the Type A personality that I am, I began to make lists. I would publish it here but it's a long list of things people do not care about. After the nausea wore off and I didn't feel as dizzy, I opened my medical portal to in order to stir up another panic attack. Lists, lists, and more lists of blood work, shots, x-rays, and physicals. Needless to say, it was daunting.

I hadn't been in the Medical Application Portal since my application back in February. Of course, then I didn't have any tasks because I was medically pre-cleared. But this time, low and behold the nightmare that is my tasks tab. Luckily, I have a couple of months to get this all done but still it is a lot. It's around this time that I wish all my med school friends were finished because that would make my life a hell of a lot easier.

The "Invitation" Post

Yesterday, like any other day, I had a plan. I was going to get off work around 2:00 PM, go for my four mile run, get cleaned up, and head for Birmingham for a Peace Corps recruitment event. I was certain the event started at 7:00 PM so I had plenty of time. Around mile 3 I started thinking, "Wow, it's odd for PC to have an event that only lasts an hour". So, still going full speed, I pulled up the e-mail on my phone. 6:00... it said 6:00 PM was the beginning time of the event. I was about a mile from my car and started panicking.

You see, Emily had called earlier last week and asked me to say a few words about my seamless application process thus far, in order to give new applicants hope. I also had a sneaking suspicion that I might get my invite that night. It struck me that Emily would want to make sure that I was at an event, even after I had RSVPd, so I did some research. I posed the question on the Future Peace Corps Volunteer's Facebook page, "Is it possible to get your invitation in person at Peace Corps event?" A few people responded, saying yes but not enough to truly convince me that it was a possibility so I shrugged it off, not wanting to get too excited. I busted through the final mile of my run with the thought of missing my invitation moment fresh in my brain.

I ran home cleaned up as best I could after a killer four mile run and jumped in the car to Birmingham. Everything was going great. I was going to make it to Birmingham in record time. I pulled up to the sketchiest Mexican restaurant I had ever encountered in my life, walked in and it was empty. I almost cried, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. You remember that comparison I made between the Peace Corps and your high school crush. It happened again. Only this time, the feeling was like when you see your crush with another girl (or guy). Absolutely devastating. I asked the hostess if she knew anything about a Peace Corps group and she shook her head no. Then she piped up, "There hasn't been a large group in here all night." Wait.. is this the wrong place. I looked down at my phone and sure enough it had sent me to Cantina Mexican Grill on the OTHER SIDE of Birmingham. I sprinted to my car and sped to downtown Birmingham to Cantina Tortilla, turns out it was the Mexican place around the corner from my rock climbing gym. Never had I been more irritated with Birmingham's games. I walked in and Emily beamed with delight. She mouthed, "Thank God!" That's when I knew something was weird. It was as if the success of the whole gathering depended upon my arrival.

Emily got up to speak after a member of the GBRPCV (Greater Birmingham Return Peace Corps Volunteers). She had a UPS package in her hands but once again, I shrugged it off. She called myself and a older woman named Mary up to the front. She wanted to demonstrate the difference in Peace Corps timelines. Now, if you've been following me and know anything about the process, you know that I have had a seamless application. It had taken me two months to get where it takes a whole year for most people. Emily looked at us and said, "I have lured you up here under false pretences". That's when I knew that UPS package had our invitations.


Getting my invitation the "old-fashioned" way!
As you can see, I look rough from the nights events.

My knees buckled while so many thoughts racing through my mind. What if it's not Africa? What if it's October? What if it's January? What if they changed my position? Oh my God, it's in my hands. And finally, it has only taken me two months I don't deserve this. The lady beside me, Mary, had waited a year and a half for her invitation. I felt so wrong to have had virtually no wait time. I thought two months was torture but this lady stuck it out for a year and a half AND SHE WAS 60! We both opened our invitations and the first words I read... "Peace Corps invites you to begin training in Lesotho". And I cried. Yes, I cried in a room full of strangers. But each and every one of those strangers understood why I was crying.

It was a perfect night to memorialize the day I was invited to serve with the United States Peace Corps. I have so many emotions I'm still trying to sort out and I'm overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have to do but I have great family and friends who I know will help me every step of the way. I will write a post next week about the specifics of my assignments and Lesotho in general

The "23rd Birthday" Post

In honor of my 23rd birthday I decided to compose a list of 23 things I can do and 10 I plan to be able to do by my 24th! Enjoy!

Baby Malia!!

23 Things I Can Do

1. I can touch my nose with my tongue. 

2. I can run a 5K. 

3. I can successfully complete an Ashtanga yoga class without dying. 

4. I can keep an open mind about practically everything. 

5. I can cross my eyes. 

6. I can cook a myriad of foods, particularly of the unhealthy Cajun variety. 

7. I can give you a list of at least 25 new wines I tried this year. 

8. I can proudly proclaim I have a college degree and not be lying. 

9. I can convince strangers that I am fully capable of twerking on the basis of my short hair alone. 

10. I can speak a good bit of Spanish. 

11. I can say I know how to have multiple jobs and maintain sanity. 

12. I can proudly say I am a Peace Corps nominee. 

13. I can tell you where every Publix is in Tuscaloosa and the most efficient way to get there. 

14. I can tell you where I want to be in five years.

15. I can tell you five bourbons I tried this year. 

16. I can touch my toes. 

17. I can tell you the man I'm going to be with for the rest if my life. 

18. I can catch a fish. 

19. I can appreciate the hard work my mother put into raising my brother and I.  

20. I can try new food without squirming. 

21. I can wear heels and not look like I'm in pain. 

22. I can also apply liquid eyeliner.... Or makeup in general. 

23. I can say I am absolutely happy with my life's trajectory. 

10 Things I Want to do Before 24

1. Learn a new language 

2. Fly to a new country

3. Sky dive 

4. Re-read all the Harry Potter Books... Read anything really 

5. Serve in the Peace Corps 

6. Try Pho 

7. Run a half marathon 

8. Do more yoga 

9. Experience as much as possible, say no only to harmful things 

10. HAVE FUN!!

So for what is hopefully my last birthday in the United States for a couple of years, I wanted to do a big blow out but somehow that's not going to work out. So instead, I went to Florence on Sunday and just hung out with my family. It was really awesome and gave me a chance to kind of fill them in on where I am in the Peace Corps process and answer some questions. They are trying to be happy and supportive of me but I can tell the whole situation is just really scary and new for them.

The "Post before the Invitation" Post

I have tried to write this post many times. I have tried to eloquently detail how horrid it is to tell people for months, I don't know what I'll be doing in the fall. Fall apparently has been a great transition moment for me in the past few years. Every year, I would start a new semester at the University. That was my given, my safe haven almost. I had other up in the air situations, like where I might live or work but I always knew that come August I would be walking across the quad to ten Hoor. Needless to say, I had a melt down a couple of weeks ago. I mean, really what am I supposed to do. I'm sitting here waiting on some e-mail that may or may not come telling everyone I love, "Well I'm not really sure what's going to be happening after summer". I began to think maybe I'm doing the wrong thing. I should stop this train of thought and start applying for big girl jobs with desks. I should enter the suit and tie workforce to compete for the corner office with the window. I should resign myself to monotony.

 

... This is how I feel.

Then I got an e-mail. I hadn't heard from PC in what seemed like a while (in all honesty after reviewing everyone else's blogs it had only been a second) and I was beginning to lose sight of what I wanted to do. My Sunday routine had become reading all my favorite blogs and looking at pictures on Instagram thinking, "This could be me but I'll never be good enough". Then heading to yoga to cleanse it all out. I recently got an iPhone and we have a love/hate relationship.  I love everything about it except, I can't get it to notify me about my e-mails like it does text messages. I am certain it is the operator but it leaves me checking my phone every three minutes for even a glimmer of PC mail. I once again refreshed the e-mails on my phone and saw "Peace Corps Placement" shining brightly from the subject line. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what an invite e-mail looked like but I felt like this wasn't it. But it was communication. It almost felt like in the eighth grade when I had a crush on a boy but it seemed like he didn't know I existed. Then one night I'm on AIM (xselloutkiddx, btw) and he messages me out of the blue sky. This is the one chance I have to coerce this guy into talking to me.

Screenshot of my Placement Questionaire e-mail.

The e-mail introduced me to Ms. Heather Rowell who had been placed in charge of reviewing my application. She needed a couple more items before she could push me forward to the next phase, the invitation. It was a quick survey with questions not unlike the ones from the interview. "Why do you want to join Peace Corps? What, do you think, will be the greatest challenge of service?..." yada yada yada. I literally completed this 30 minutes after I received the e-mail. She replied, "That was fast. I'll try to be quick too. Expect me to be in touch by April 21."

AHHHHHH!!! This means, I could receive my invitation as early as April 21. I have been unimaginably lucky to be paired up with individuals who want to expedite my application on through. My timeline compared to others is so concise with hardly any blank spaces! This also means that October is more of  a likelihood and I feel more compelled to plan for an October leave. It could also mean that around April 21 she'll contact me about a phone interview and then a week later send an invite. Either way, it was nice to hear from PC and it re-ignited that fire in my belly. It reminded me why I'm putting off making money, getting married, and having babies for just a couple more years. Peace Corps is worth it. To some of my family and close friends, it doesn't seem like it. But I know, when they hear of what I'm doing and see the smiling faces of the people I'm helping, they'll be proud.

P.S. PC, just by the way, my birthday is April 15. It would be really cool to hear something around them.

The Legal Kit Post

I got my first piece of Peace Corps mail a couple of weeks ago! YAY! It was nice to have something tangible to look at and prove that I was doing this. In it was my nomination letter, I held it like a newborn baby up to my chest. I can't even imagine the excitement I will feel when I finally get my invitation! Part of my first Peace Corps mail was my first task. I had to complete my legal kit so the Peace Corps could complete an extensive background check.

So I spent the week figuring out where I could get fingerprinted. Luckily, I live in a college town and the University Police Department was nice enough to handle it for me. If you live near a university, I would strongly recommend you go there. It was $5.00 and a lot less creepy than being in a county jail. So then, the fingerprints and forms sat in my Peace Corps folder for a week as I had a minor panic attack thinking about what the NSA could pull up on me. I do have outstanding debts which were addressed in my Financial Obligations letter. But what if they find something I didn't address and think I'm trying to hide something? What if someone stole my identity? What if... what if.. what if... was the question of the day. I feel like everyone does this in some capacity when they're told someone is going to do a background check on them.

If the legal kit is any indication of what's to come, I better mind my Ps and Qs.

After I had reassured myself that no one had stolen my identity and started a rebel war using my name and social security, I proceeded to finish the background forms and mail the joker off. I had at this point decided that the rest of my Peace Corps tasks will not proceed in this manner; I would finish them in a timely and orderly fashion. I was at work in my cubicle filling out all the paperwork whne I realized, I had made a huge error. When filling out my fingerprint cards, I had just assumed they wanted my current employer in the "employer" box. WRONG! They wanted me to fill in Peace Corps. This made no sense to me. The Peace Corps application process is daunting, it takes months. In all technicality, I am not employed by the Peace Corps yet. Frantically, I called my recruiter because I knew she could help. She returned my call in ten minutes to reassure me that everything was ok. "Just white it out and send it on. The worst they could do is ask you to send another one. Meanwhile, you can move on to the next step." Have I mentioned that I have the best recruiter ever before? Well, she is. So, this afternoon I am going to send my Legal Kit packet via UPS. Then, I will be anxiously awaiting my medical kit which will prove far more daunting than the legal kit ever was.

In the mean time, I have been working as usual but also trying to figure out what my living situation will be like come July when my lease runs out. I have lived with my boyfriend and puppy for two years now but in July I will not be able to sign another lease as prospectively I am set to leave in October. I also don't want to be paying a lot for bills as I have loose ends that need to be tied and money that needs to be saved for my service. Currently, my living situation is what seems to be occupying the most of my time. I have had friends offer to let me couch surf so I can stay in Tuscaloosa and work but I would hate to be a burden on anyone. Obviously this issue is going to consume a great deal of time and effort.

I've also been giving a lot of thought to some obligations I am involved in now. I am a committed person. When I am invovled in something, I am involved 100% so come October it will be really hard for me to leave Rosen Harwood and Kozy's. I love my jobs. The people I come in contact with everyday are fun and lighthearted but work diligently. I couldn't ask for better co-workers. While I am leaving to go off and follow my own dreams, I am also leaving a hole in the staffs I work for. Everyday I encounter new implications of my decision to leave that I never considered before. I'm just taking them day by day and know that when October gets here everything will be sorted out.

So any RPCVs or current PCVs reading this... did you encounter any issues like the ones I've mentioned? What about other issues that I've probably not even come across yet?