The "Peace Corps Nightmares" Post

Yesterday, I got a call out of the blue from D.C. Naturally, I had a minor heart attack. It's no longer excitement when D.C. calls. Before it was like, "Maybe they're calling about my invite!" Now it's, "They're calling to nag me about some tasks." I don't mind though. It's like when your mom nags you to do something, it's because they care. That call lit a fire under my butt and today I finally took my first step towards all these medical tasks and I scheduled appointments. I scheduled appointments for EVERYTHING. It felt good to know that according to my appointment calendar I can have everything done by the end of June. Of course, I'm sure something will go miserably wrong. Which brings me to the point of this blog post, Peace Corps nightmares.

Due to my overactive imagination, I have had some terrible Peace Corps nightmares and day dreams. I thought it'd be a fun post to share some of my miserable Peace Corps "castles in the sky" and see if any other FPCVs have the same wonderings. I also thought it'd be funny for you RPCVs.

1. The Forgot To Pack for Two Years Nightmare- There I was in the airport, saying goodbye to all my loved ones. I boarded the plane only to suddenly realize, I HADN'T PACKED FOR TWO YEARS! I hadn't even packed for a day. I frantically found the pilot of the plane to plead with him to delay take off. He said that he would delay it for thirty minutes and that I had to buy things from the airport stores. Trust me, there wasn't a lot. It was horrible. I yelled at my family and friends, "Why didn't you tell me I had no luggage!?" They all just laughed at me and told me to calm down. This one was pretty vivid and I woke up in a cold sweat. I think it stemmed from reading a blog on packing and thinking that I might not pack clothes. Apparently, I was determined to leave everything else behind as well!

2. The My Mom Tied Me Up in the Closet Nightmare- Yes, this literally is something that I dreamt up. I had a nightmare that the night before I was supposed to leave for service, my mom lost her mind and told me I couldn't go. She then proceeded to form tackle me (a trick I suppose she picked up from my brother), bind me like a pig, and stick me in the closet where I waited until it was too late to board the plane for Africa. In all honesty, I'm afraid this is something that might seriously happen.

3. The What If the Kids Hate My Guts daydream- Most of the time, work at the office is slow. So I sit and daydream about nothing else but Peace Corps. I get to thinking, you know it's been a long time since I've been around kids a lot. What if they hate me? What if they think I'm weird? What if they never learn to listen from me and I just make them cry everyday of their existence until I leave depressed... of course, it's a downward spiral from here. I start imagining that I gain like forty pounds and my face breaks out. I come back fruitless and uglier than ever before. Not all these things could possibly happen... right?

4. The Peace Corps is Actually Just a Cover Nightmare- So, I know this dream stemmed from reading a few 1984 quotes one night before bed. We arrived at Johannesburg and we're taken into a huge aluminum building. Everyone's excited and talking, until we walk in the building. There's men with guns everywhere and they tell us to sit down and shut up. We of course, oblige. Except one young man who gets his head blown off. We are then brainwashed. The dream is not really clear on what


If I knew how to work this, I'd overlay the words
"Not sure if Peace Corps is real... or plot to brainwash all young graduates.

we're brainwashed to do but we are undeniably servants of whatever regime did the brainwashing. I've also had this as a daydream. A little Peace Corps is too good to be true, it's got to be a pyramid scheme type thing.
One this is for certain, we don't really know what lies ahead of us. Evolutionarily, that is supposed to scare the shit out of us. It doesn't make sense for our survival to have not developed some sort of future telling power in our evolutionary history. Unfortunately, we don't. So we're left to our beautifully crafted imaginations and for those like me, a rampant anxiety problem.

The "Talking to People" Post

Ok, so it's been about a month since I've posted and I have regular access to internet! Hopefully this is not indicative of how I'm going to be keeping up with this blog in Lesotho! Now that I've gotten my invitation, I feel more comfortable speaking with people about what I'm doing the next few years. Being the age that I am people ask me what my future plans are on a regular basis. It seems that everyone is interested in what the young are going to do with their seemingly unlimited time on this Earth. Maybe when I'm that age I'll understand. For now, I find it intrusive but good table side conversation for my job as a server. When I tell people I'm leaving in October to serve in the Peace Corps people generally have one of six reactions:

1. Africa is no place for a young lady.

To which I reply: We have security guards and cultural training to keep us safe.

In my head I think: You dumbass. NOLA is just as dangerous.

 

2. Two years, that's a really long time.

To which I reply: Yes, you need that time to integrate into the culture and finish your projects

In my head I think: Why do people always think you can just go to a country spend a month there and make a lasting difference. That's called voluntourism and it's not effective.

 

3. Don't you want to get married, have children, get a good job?

To which I reply: Oh sure! But I have a lifetime in front of me and there is no better time to do something like this than right now.

In my head I think: And sell my soul to the devil for a two story house and a picket fence?

 

4. Peace Corps? That hippie mumbo, jumbo?

To which I reply: Yes sir, the Peace Corps is a commonly misunderstood organization. They are a group of professionals using applied skills to make a difference in the world's third world countries.

In my head I think: I. Can't. Even.

 

5. Won't you miss your family?

To which I reply: Yes, I will miss them very much. But they are supportive of what I do and proud no matter what so I know I will be in as constant communication as possible.

In my head I think: *sarcastic Nah, I hate my family. I'm running away to Africa so I never have to see them again. *sarcastic Dumbass.

 

6. Oh bless you, you're going to make such a difference and it'll be the greatest expereince of your life.

To which I reply: Thank you!! That is too kind.

In my head I think: Man you're sweet. But how do you know this will be the greatest experience of my life. Maybe one day I'll go to the moon. Maybe Peace Corps will suck and I'll get malaria. C'mon now!

 

 

But my favorite so far is, "How do you feel?". These only come around once in a blue moon. These are the people who are passing no judgement and are not acting like they know some great secret about the future. The simply want to hear how you're processing everything. These are the people I'm honest with. I take a deep breath and reply, "Well, if you want to know the truth... I'm losing my mind." They're the ones I share how stricken with guilt I am, all the anxiety of leaving my family and my boyfriend, how overwhelemed I am with medical tasks and my to-do lists. These are the people who deserve to peer into the mind of a FPCV.

 

Stone hut in Lesotho.

I can see Africa most days. Bright and shiny with open air. I know that it won't be like that. But on the days where I consider giving up on this roller coaster and settling into a normal life, those images keep me going. October is just around the corner and I've got to stay focused if I'm ever going to make it.